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sedatecait
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Name: Cait
Gender: Female
Interests: Religion, philosophy, psychology, music, writing, reading, etc.
Expertise: I'm no expert at anything.
Occupation: Student.
Industry: None.
Message: message me
Yahoo:  sedatecait
Member Since:
1/10/2007
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| Gaia Conversations.Gaia is a strange new addiction for me. I don't really care about the avvys, the worlds, anything like that. I'm there for the conversations.
Man, I'd forgotten what it was like to have discussions with intelligent people besides my friends. People these days can be so ... ech.
But of course, I'm running into that on Gaia as well. You've got some real assholes on there who misconstrue what you're trying to say and try to turn it against you.
Hopefully I can grow mentally from this experience. :D
Yeah, lame update.
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| A Few Things to SaySo, it's been a while since I've updated this. I would say that I was busy, but I really wasn't. I don't want to lie.
I've actually been thinking a lot about what I want to put in this Xanga, and I've decided that it's time for a change.
I'm going to stop talking about religion and start focusing on politics and the American government. Honestly, I think politics are more important than religion (to me at least). This is also motivated by my own indecisiveness about religion, God, and that great Invisible Sky Daddy. So until I figure it out, which I doubt I'll ever do, we get to talk about politics.
I'm actually very interested in seeing how the 2008 election is going to turn out, and I'm going to be watching it extremely closely.
I'm looking at Barack Obama's website right now, in fact. It looks good, but I need to check out the opposition as well before I can make a fair judgement.
Unfortunately, that's all for now. So, yeah. I'll update later.
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| Censoring YourselfToday during eighth period band we just sat around and talked, which I assume was because our band director was simply too exhausted to carry on with our out-of-tune squeaks and so on. So towards the end of the period we sat in a circle and we all got into a heavy discussion about politics.
It started out as a conversation about Black History Month because we have to play a short selection of pieces for the presentation being put together for Friday Focus. Somebody said "All we ever study in history is white people" and I said "Well don't blame the students for the fact that the United States citizens haven't elected a black President." That kind of shut people up, but most of the group was nodding.
Then somebody started on about Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. One of the guys said "As long as Clinton doesn't win, I'm good to go. If she wins, I'm moving to Canada." I bit my tongue so hard at that moment it was close to bleeding.
It wasn't because I want Hilary Clinton to win, but because that guy is a sexist pig. Grrr. His comment just really irked me.
But besides that irkyness, we talked about some of the policies that Clinton was supporting. I didn't say a word throughout that entire part of the discussion.
So as I left the band room, I had a really powerful thought. Should I have said something in the conversation?
Let's start off with some facts. I go to school in hick country. No offense to the people there (who are the best people around), but it's the south. It's the Bible Belt. I simply don't fit in with "southern ideals". There are very strong connections to the main church in town right there in the band room. (the daughter of the preacher)
Don't get me wrong. I have great respect for each and every one of the people in that room (minus the sexist pig). I understand their morals and their beliefs and I have no problem with how they feel about important issues. The only thing I'm afraid of, I suppose, is that they would think less of me for sharing my beliefs.
When I get down to the dirty of this matter, it's all about being myself or only being some of myself. I would rather be my anarchist, atheistic self. But sometimes I think it's necessary to hold back to fit in with the republican, christian crowd.
I usually don't believe in holding back. I really don't. I am usually very upfront about how I feel about certain issues and my opinions and beliefs come through in any conversation. (Not like, "I think this and you're wrong." It's just obvious in the way I think and act.)
So why is it so hard for me to be myself now? I have no clue. Maybe it's because I know that I have two more years to be with these band peoples through marching seasons and concerts and parades and more. But it isn't that. Maybe it's because I don't want there to be chaos simply over beliefs. I don't want World War III in the band room.
The people of the band already know that I'm pretty damn liberal. But I'm not just liberal anymore, I'm radical.
In conclusion, I think that I'm going to keep this to myself. There are some parts of me that I'm fine with them seeing, but my political views and opinions on moral issues aren't necessary to have functioning friendships and relationships. (If I do get into a relationship, however, I will make it loud and clear. I think that if you really love somebody, beliefs don't get in the way. Unfortunately, this isn't always so.)
So I'm not really sure what conclusion I just came to. Leave me some comments, let me know what you think about the situation.
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| Right and Wrong, Individuality, and PredestinationI have a serious problem with predestination. Though, I really shouldn't call it a problem. I shouldn't call it that because in saying that it is a "problem" I am implying that there is a solution for me to find a resolution of my opinion.
I think a lot of the time when I'm talking about belief in God I do cause a lot of confusion because I'm always talking as if there's still a possiblity of a deity existing. I guess maybe I'll talk about all of this but for now I need to stick to one subject before confusion within myself.
So lately my English class has been the source of questioning beliefs and morals and all of that. People who know me in real life will know that I seriously don't like my teacher sometimes, but overall she's okay I suppose. The class itself is boring when we aren't having discussions and rather focusing on the work we need to do. When we have discussions, we really explore into the depths of which people understand humans and which people sort of really just don't care.
But to the point, lately we've been talking about moral rights and wrongs because we've been examining persuasive essays for different issues still prevelent in the US today. We've looked at punishment for rapists, the death penalty, the right to break away from a country, censorship, etc.
Naturally, this has all got me thinking a lot. I've been thinking mostly about my own morals and where my set of morals draws the line for society's expectations.
Even as I'm writing this, I'm scaring myself because I'm worried about what people will think about what I'm going to say. Because what I'm going to say is definately going to be offensive, but it's truth to me. So I shouldn't be worried about it. Gosh.
Okay, back on track.
On Predestination
To me, predestination is complete bullshit. Obviously, because I don't believe in a deity that would seem rather obvious, yeah? And along with that it's just the thought that even though I'm here on earth choosing each action that I make, this guy is sitting off in the clouds somewhere already knowing what I'm going to do? I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense to me.
Edit: I thought of something else I would like to mention here. I know I've said before that time doesn't actually exist and that it's just a really nice man-made concept. But here's the thing: Time is the measure of change. If what you're going to do is already predetermined, then there technically isn't change. Because in knowing that it's going to happen, it sort of already has. At least, to me it has.
On Right and Wrong
Society sets moral boundaries. There are no absolutes. There is not right. There is not wrong. Just because I say that something isn't "wrong" doesn't mean that I'm saying that it's "right" either. If we lived in a society where everybody murdered at their own will and raped and stole and lied and so on, we probably would think that all of those things were okay if we didn't understand what we know as civility.
You know, if we were to say that there are indeed moral absolutes, then we'd be suggesting that there is a pre-determined path for humanity and that we have absolutely no control over our own destinys. To me, that's pretty depressing. But whatever. If you want to think that nothing you do is actually your own choice and that you are a puppet to some Invisible Sky Daddy, it's your choice. Or is it? HAHAHAHAHA.
And this brings me to Individuality
Do you realize that there is nobody who is truly an individual? In my english class, our teacher read us a persuasive essay on the effects of advertising on young children. The author of the essay showed how every child ends up wanting something that they've seen on TV, that their friends have, etc.
I don't know how it got me to this point, but I think that there is nobody who is truly a completely unique individual. We are all a combination of experiences, and brands, and labels, etc.
Right now I'm looking at the clothes on my body and I'm wearing three different brands. (Hat from Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle hoodie, and some brand of jeans not from either of those places. My shirt isn't particularly important.) I can't say necessarily that I wear the clothes I wear because of the ads that I've seen, but I do know what is and isn't acceptable in the teen community. -nods-
I don't know. I didn't really go anywhere with any of this, but just think about it for a bit. Maybe it will make sense if you do.
More later on the Invisible Sky Daddy.
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| The Justification of GodOkay, so the thing where I just start typing and end up making a point seems to work lately, so I'm going to stick with that for a while until it runs out.
Today was good and bad at the same time. I'm probably going to be punished in the extremely and tangible near future for doing something that I did today. I lied on a grade for one of my teachers (we grade each other's work and then call out our grades. Anways, usually the teacher doesn't make us turn in the papers, but we had to today. I had definately failed the assignment because I forgot to complete it, but I lied and said 85. At least I didn't say 95 like some of those assholes. But I'm still probably going to be punished for it, which I can accept. It's my wrongdoing, so I can take it.
The episode of House that came on tonight made me think a lot about punishment and God and stuff. Naturally, I've been thinking about all of these things lately. One of my most recent thoughts was that maybe there is a God because it would seem unreasonable that everybody who did good for the world would get the same ending as somebody like, say, Hitler.
But then I realized that I'm always trying to justify everything. I'm always assuming that everything has a reason, that everything has purpose. In today's episode, House was arguing with this chick about how if you believed in eternity then nothing in life is important. She rebuttled by saying that if you don't believe in eternity then life doesn't even really matter, does it?
I'm not really sure what to say to all of that mess, but I can validly say that I do not believe in God. That doesn't make me an atheist, necessarily. I'm still open to the possibility of God (with that, that everything in this universe is therein irrational for a purpose).
Everytime I try and explain to somebody how I don't think there's a God, they're breathing down my neck about "How did we get here? How was the universe started?" Blah blah blah blah blah. To me, those questions are pointless. (A) I don't care how we got here. I'm not going to say that we aren't real because that doesn't make any sense. You know, there are people out there who actually think that we don't exist. I'm sorry, but that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How could you even be thinking if you aren't real? Think about that for a second. (LOLZ) (B) How was the universe started? Maybe it wasn't. It is actually concievable that some things always were and always will be. That they just are. You know, humans did create time. I guaruntee you that the universe didn't come with a clock. Maybe some things don't have a beginning and an end. And then when I ask certain people who created God they get mad at me. They say "God just is." And then I go OMFG ISN'T THAT WHAT I JUST SAID?!?!? Don't deny that some things can just be and then turn around and give me an exception to the rule.
But what really succeeds in pissing me off: I ask a simple question like "So why do innocent children die every day if God is so great?" And some Christians (or otherwise) would answer "It's in God's plans. He knows what He's doing." That's not an answer to my question. That's not a reason. Stop using God as a fucking excuse.
If you've ever answered in that fashion, I want you to consider what I'm about to say. Does the following make any sense?: God, the "perfect" being, decided to create millions and billions of imperfect beings. You know, just 'cuz. He then toys with their minds. He creates nonbelievers, homosexuals, and other various "abominations" unto Himself. He takes children who haven't had the chance to experience life in the fullest and puts them through Hell ... disease, disaster, etc. There's so much more, I just can't go on.
PS. On that note, if a God is like how I've said above, He is the cruelest of them all.
To me, that makes absolutely no sense. It doesn't make sense that a perfect being would create something as imperfect as us.
Here's a simple and direct challenge:
Once upon a time a Christian described God to me as omnipotent (all-powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing). Go check a dictionary. I'm sure it's in there somewhere. So here's my question. Can God kill Himself? Can He destroy existence? I don't want any answers like "God wouldn't do that" or anything stupid like that.
If you answered yes - If He destroys existence, what is left of reality?
If you answered no - You've proven my point. God cannot be all-powerful.
At this point I'm rambling and I've lost my train of thought. Let me know. I'll talk more tomorrow. Bedtime.
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